How to Open Your Heart (again) while avoiding another bad relationship-
Paul: Well, aloha, welcome everybody! I’m so excited to be connecting with you this week in this week’s podcast. My name is Paul Fletcher, and this is The Healing Source. We are at the final in this series, we are now in series number four, which has been, of course, about relationships and this is the eighth in this series. And today we’re going to do a recap of the entire series. I hope you have enjoyed the previous seven episodes; they have been very powerful. I want to remind everybody that is listening that I have a relationship course on my website so go to my website, wellspringoflight.com, and towards the bottom two-thirds you’ll see that course. Highly, highly recommend that you enroll because it takes what I’ve shared with you in these short podcasts and really expands and gives you everything you need to heal your heart and heal your relationships.
So, today what we’re going to be focusing on is an entirely, entire completion of this entire series and it’s going to be how you can heal your heart again while preparing yourself for a healthy relationship. So, this is going to be very exciting because I’ve got about eight or nine major bullet points that will encapsulate much of what we have talked about in the previous seven podcasts, and it also touches on a lot of the wisdom that I have placed within the actual course. And the course itself, by the way, is on demand so you can go back and watch when needed, whenever needed, it’s very, very powerful and I’m getting a lot of great reviews on it.
So, let’s just jump right in, shall we? So, in the largest picture everyone that ever enters our life is part of a relationship that we have with ourselves. This is a really important aspect to understand. Every relationship that we enter into whether it’s family, whether it’s a romantic partner, whether it is a co-worker relationship, it is a reflection of where we can be more aligned with our highest and best version of ourself. When we are angry, is that the highest and best version of ourselves? When we are jealous, obviously not the highest and best version of ourselves, right? When we are in the victim mode, being the victim of some form of emotional, physical, mental abuse, not the best version of ourselves. We have allowed ourselves in every one of those examples to be in a weakened position in that relationship because in most cases we have allowed ourselves to be a bystander, a victim so to speak, maybe not directly but in many ways if we feel out of control in the relationship, where we don’t have control over how things work out.
Or we end up starting out well and ends up in a direction we don’t want then we have basically lost control of what we intended in that relationship, and this is why I start out by saying every relationship has a purpose at the level of soul. As you know, especially if you are new, everything I teach is about healing at the level of soul. And if you missed any of that, if you’re just stumbling across this for the first time, absolutely go back and watch at least the first two or three of my podcast episodes at the very beginning because it sets the foundation for healing at the level of soul. And then watch the previous seven in this series on relationship and then what I’m telling you today will make a significant amount of more sense.
So, how do we open our heart again so that we can have a healthy relationship and not repeat the unhealthy relationships that we have had in the past? I can bet that everybody that’s listening to this right now watching on podcast or video has had a least one repeating relationship where they’re like, ‘My goodness, it just keeps happening to me, why?’ So, we’re going to talk about how that can be avoided and to make sure you have a good, healthy relationship moving forward. And I’ll be looking at my notes because I’ve got them, I’ll set them up right here where I can look at them and also, hopefully, not bother you. All right, now, let me read the first one, okay, very important. Every experience you’ve ever had in a relationship and, most importantly, from today forward, every experience you have in a relationship is giving you an opportunity to heal whatever pain and discomfort is in your heart.
If we were to open our heart again, we must heal the pain and discomfort and very often what happens is something will happen today, tomorrow and it triggers something that happened last week, last year, before and then it brings up this entire negative loop. You’ve probably found yourself many times in a negative mental loop and it occurred because a friend said something or reminded you or somebody said a series of words that reminded you or you talked to the ex and it reminded you. And so, we end up in these loops and we end up in these negative patterns because we have not been empowered to get out of them. And again, I touch on these empowerments in other series.
One of them is forgiveness-based, there’s different ways you can dis-empower these negative things as they come up. So, the key to not getting caught up in the old patterns and to open your heart again and to make sure you do not repeat the same mistakes, one of the keys is to see everything as an opportunity. So, let’s use a real-life example. You have a negative living thought about a relationship, maybe you’ve got yourself in a beating-yourself-up looping thought which is pretty predominant for a lot of us. And so, you stop and you say, ‘Okay, what is the value of this negative looping thought? Why is it there?’ Well, the main reason it’s there is because it wants to be healed, it’s trying to serve you. Remember, the deep wisdom of the soul is that everything is trying to serve you, even a negative thought. How is it trying to serve you? It’s trying to help you to identify it and then go through the process of releasing it so that it doesn’t continue to loop within you and causing problems. So, that thought is identified, and you acknowledge it, don’t shove it away.
Dear the soul of this negative thought, I see you, I acknowledge you, I understand you’re trying to serve me. I love you and you’re trying to give me a message that I no longer agree with. I am not this and that kind of a bad person. I did not do anything wrong, in fact, everything in this relationship has benefited me. It has taught me to stand tall, it has given me the opportunity to realize that I don’t want that kind of a person anymore. It’s given me the opportunity to realize that I don’t want that kind of communication in my life anymore and it’s given me the opportunity to do forgiveness (which I taught in the previous courses, previous sessions excuse me), it’s given me the opportunity to do forgiveness around if I have ever been that way towards others in this or other lifetimes. So, now that you have shown me what I might have done, now that I am clear what I no longer wish, I wish to offer my greatest love to you and thank you for your service. I invite you now to completely leave my field and leave my vibration, so I don’t have to deal with you anymore.
And then you would utilize some of the tools and techniques for forgiveness, you would apply the love, peace, harmony mantra for chanting, if you have any healing qualities or attributes or light balls then you can activate those and use those to transform the negative vibration. And if you’re not familiar with what I mean by healing qualities or abilities or light balls then contact me through wellspringoflight and I can transmit those to you, and you’ll have those abilities to transform these negative information. So, this is one of the first steps. Next step, get better and better at soul-to-soul communication. So, in a previous episode I spoke to you about you are a soul having an experience with another soul, okay? Now you think that you are Bob and Mary getting together but you’re actually souls getting together and you’re regurgitating the mistakes and the positives from the past.
The positives is what brought you together, the negatives is what’s created the havoc in the current or past relationship. So, in order to heal your heart from it you don’t want to repeat those patterns and you want to get much better at soul-to-soul communication. Again, go watch the previous session if you missed that, I’m going to do a recap here. This applies to your current and past relationships, so you want to make sure you heal the communication in the past relations even if it’s an ex so that you don’t drag it into your future. So, you call the soul of that ex or your current relationship where there are issues that are still unresolved then you know it’s unresolved because you have pain in your heart, right? And you call those souls, and you do soul communication, not person-to-person communication.
Dear the soul of my ex, I still have some pain in my heart around this issue where you did ABC to me. I wish to really go into a deep forgiveness around this. I wish to resolve this on a permanent basis so that it is a win-win scenario, so that I forgive you, you forgive me. If I’ve ever done that to you, please forgive me, I forgive you for doing that to me, let us release this fully and completely from our hearts so that we can move forward together.
Again, this is a very generic statement, if this is the first time you’ve heard this then it won’t make a lot of sense because I didn’t go into the full details that I have in the previous sessions, go back and listen to them. By applying soul-to-soul communication in the past and, most importantly, now and into the future you can avoid unhealthy relationships, not to bring those same kinds from the past into your future and avoid current problems. So, let’s use a current example. Let’s say you’re in a current relationship, could be a co-worker, could be a mom or dad, it could be a kid, it could be a spouse or partner, and there’s a current issue in that relationship:
Dear the soul of my partner, whoever it is, please come to the soul communication. I love you. I want so much for this communication to work out. I wish very much for my part of this to be heard because I really have a need for ABC and I want very much for you to win in this communication, as well, and I’m gathering that you need ABC, as well, and I wish to do forgiveness. If I have not honored you for your need for ABC and if you have not honored me for what I’m needing, so if I have ever denied you in this or a previous lifetime of your needs similar to what you’re denying me of I need to ask forgiveness because it’s important that your needs are met just like it’s important that my needs are met.
In other words, do forgiveness and do soul communication and explain to them at the level of soul what it is you’re wanting to accomplish. When you apply this wisdom and that I’ve taught in previous sessions in your current moment moving forward in your day-to-day activity. You’re talking to a boss that is not giving you that raise, you’re talking to a co-worker that is gossiping about you, these are all relationships, it doesn’t matter what it is. By doing soul-to-soul communication you can open your heart to that co-worker, open your heart to that boss, open your heart to that partner and do forgiveness and heal and communicate at the level of soul which, remember what I taught you, the souls only want the highest and best for everyone in that communication. The souls do not want you bickering and bickering because they know that’s going to create problems in your future. The souls always want to resolve things so by doing soul-to-soul communication you’re actually healing the relationship so that when you come back to that in person communication that co-worker, that boss, that partner, because the souls were communicating at that level, because you’ve done forgiveness prior to the physical world communication it will be softer, it will be lighter, it will be easily much resolvable and you will move forward without closing your heart.
And you can use soul-to-soul communication for getting what you want as long as it’s win-win so before ever going to that partner and asking something that you know in the past maybe they had resistance about you can go that partner at the soul level, in advance, and you can say to them, ‘I’m going to be communicating with you a little bit later today and this is what I’m going to be communicating about and this is really why I’d like to accomplish this and my fear is that you might react and respond this way. And I understand, I believe the reason you react and respond this way is because your need is ABC. I want you to know that I want to honor that need and at the same time my needs need to be honored, as well. I want to have an open-hearted discussion so that we can find a middle ground. I don’t know what that middle ground is but I want you to open your heart so we can find the middle ground so it’s a win-win.’
You can have that kind of a conversation before ever having that spousal or partner or mom and dad or kid conversation and this is the value of soul-to-soul communication. Got it?
Ok, moving on, again, this is all about how do you open your heart again without fear of stepping into bad conditions in the future. Next, decide not to give powers to others over you. I covered this earlier. How do we give power to others over us? We do that by placing ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically in the victim role. We do that by saying it’s their fault, they did this to me, if they didn’t do this then I would be able to do this, if they didn’t say that then I would be able to do that. Look at how you format it in your head. I promise you if you are blaming anyone outside of yourself, if you have, if you’re in avoidance of responsibility, it doesn’t matter what’s going on in that relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re totally the victim of a very abusive relationship you are actually responsible. If you don’t like that, go back and listen to the previous information I’ve shared and understand the nature of souls and how unpleasant things come into our world. We attract things into our world, and we have to fix them if we don’t want them in our world anymore. I teach all this, if this is all Greek to you, come to my website, learn more.
Step three: decide to not give power to others over you. Visually speaking when you give power to another you are rattling the prison cage and you’re the one inside the prison. And they’re walking around out there and you’re saying, ‘You did this to me! I can’t move forward because of you. If you didn’t do this to me then I would be fine!’ How are you ever going to fix anything when you’re giving them that power? How? It’s impossible! So, stop it, take responsibility. Okay, I don’t like it, I don’t like that I was a victim, I don’t like that I’ve been abused, I don’t like any of this but my whole life up until this wisdom I have been blaming people outside of me, going and seeing psychologists and psychiatrists and taking drugs and being depressed and shoving everything down. How’s that working for you? Stop it! Stop being the abusee and start being the responsible one, realizing that everything happened in your life for a reason, it doesn’t matter what it is. And step into that state of responsibility, you don’t have to be negative about it, just say, ‘Okay, this all happened for a reason. I’m going to identify with that and I’m going to reverse all that’ And how do you do that? You follow my programs. I didn’t introduce or invent any of this stuff, it’s been out for thousands of years. I have just agglomerated it into an easy to apply package and with the personal healing and programs I’ve developed I can walk you through it much, much faster so utilize that.
Okay, step four: love your story, you created it. Okay? You created your story. You are not the victim of anything, you created your story. Now, when you take responsibility for creating your story you can fix it and when you take responsibility you can love yourself for everything that has occurred. How many, we’ll use women as a good example because they tend to be on the abusive side of things, you know men are not the most docile, we are not the most loving beings, we can be but, unfortunately, we do play a role that can be abusive at times. So, many women have been on the end of that beating stick and they have turned that into a positive. They have created shelters for abused women, and they generate all kinds of things that have been very beneficial. That same woman could have been the victim and continued to attract abusive relationships to her. But, in her case, she chose to see the positives in the story and make sure it never happens to her again. Now, granted, there’s a lot more work that person can do. They need to do a great deal of forgiveness if they haven’t done so already so that they don’t attract those types of relationships to themselves again and so forth. But they loved their story and used it to their benefit, that’s the message that I want to get across and that’s a very easy to get across example. You find your example of your story which may have nothing to do with that one and you love your story and see all the ways it can help you to be responsible for fixing and healing and never attracting that kind of relationship again. Now this can include moms and dads, this can include brothers and sisters that could be very horrific, okay? It could include the worst co-workers or worst bosses; you can never attract that kind of a person again if you apply the wisdoms I’m sharing.
Moving on. In order to not have an abusive relationship again, in order to attract to you a healthy, loving relationship it is absolutely imperative, must, not maybe, absolutely a must, you must, must, must change the way you think about relationships. What do I mean? Most all of us, when I say that I mean probably 99 percent of us come into a relationship, and we’re talking romantic now, and we don’t know how to bring ourselves into a relationship, so we start subjugating ourselves trying to make the other person happy, a little here, a little there, right? And this is what we’ve been taught, to help the other person and make them happy and, of course, they’re going to make me happy. Give them love and, of course, they’re going to give me love. Give them a back rub and, of course, they’re going to give me a back rub, okay? All the different variations of that, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
Why? Because it’s a set up of an expectation of return. It’s a setup for a recipe for failure, I’ve covered this before both in my relationship course and in this series. How do we bring ourselves into a relationship where we have no expectations? In order to bring yourself to a relationship, because think about it guys, myself included, 25, 26, 27 years old, I was pining for a relationship. I mean the hormones were going and I just needed somebody to fulfill that love hole, so to speak. And I know you’ve been there, and I know you’re probably, maybe still there now. It’s hard because you just want to stop the loneliness, the secret is not having somebody else fill it. The moment they cannot fill it you’re back to where you are, and it sucks. How do you avoid that? How do you have a healthy relationship and not get hurt again? Because you’re going to open your heart again eventually and eventually there’s a high possibility it will get crushed especially if you expect that person to fulfill your heart, especially if you expect them to fulfill your heart.
Especially if you’re the type of person that gives everything and they never give you something in return, right? You have to avoid that type of approach to a relationship. How? You must change your entire consciousness about that relationship. You must never give anything in a relationship with an expectation of that other person returning it. Never. If you give anything in a relationship you must be willing to do it from your heart because that’s what you want to do, no expectations. If they don’t give back, that’s okay, you don’t have a need for them to give it back. You want to give me a back rub? You can ask but if they don’t give it you don’t get irritated. You want to give love, they don’t give love back, that’s okay, you’re not irritated. You need to give unconditionally whatever it is you want to give with zero expectations of return. You will never be hurt. How, then do you get to that point? Because what will happen is if they’re not giving in return, ‘Oh I give my love, but nobody loves me in return’ You position yourself to be able to do that by not requiring anybody outside of you to fulfill you. There’s only one possible soul that can fulfill you, only one, and that is your Creator, and the Source is what you were born from therefore there is already existing love. When you pause and honor and respect that amazing rose, you’re listening to the breeze of the trees above you or the bamboo clattering in the wind, the bird chirping.
When you fall in love with the Source in all the different ways the Source brings love to you, the sound of a baby’s laughter, the beautiful music that you meld with, when you fill your heart with the love of every single thing in and around you, you have no expectations that an individual will do it. You fill your love from Source, you give unconditionally to all of those that you communicate with, all of those you interact with. When or if they do something that is painful in your heart you don’t react, you pause and say, ‘That didn’t feel very good, that means there’s a pain in my heart’ and it might trigger this happened before, this happened before, this happened before. And instead of blaming that person you forgive that person, and you ask forgiveness if you’ve ever harmed them in the same way and you ask forgiveness if you’ve ever harmed others in the same way. You keep your heart open and, in that way, you honor that person, if you have no resistance with them, that person will not remain in your field because you’ve not created an entanglement with that, okay?
So, you want to be the steward of a loving, healthy heart. You want to be the wise one that fills your heart by the Source Creator and all the way the Source Creator shows its love, in the air, in the smells, in the people. Love comes to people all the time. Absorb it. Love it. Accept it. Do not expect it, have zero expectation of return. Zero. This creates in you a frequency and vibration that radiates off you and brings forth the manifestation of another person in a relationship that only wants to be in a loving, healthy relationship that has no expectations of them. They’re already fulfilled by the Source, by the love of that Source, they don’t need you, but they would love to be in your environment to support you. They would love to be in your environment to honor you and your art and your music and your singing. They have no expectations of you to fulfill them. You will attract a person like that in the opposite side when you pine, when you need, when you demand this of another, guess what you’re going to attract? Pining and needing and demanding of them to fulfill you and you to fulfill them and one of you will fail in this and that’s when the pain starts all over again.
So, start applying these tools to ensure that you do not repeat what you’ve been repeating. There is so much more that I need to cover but I’ve run out of time. I’ve actually got four or five more bullet points here to cover, there’s just not enough time. I do cover this in its entirety in my course, Heal Your Soul, Heal Your Relationships. Go to my website wellspringoflight.com. The course is only $100 and it’s on demand, you can watch it and listen to it as long as you want, as many times as you want, and it comes with a half-hour consultation with me. That’s worth $150 and I give you a month in my daily healing program. It’s a priceless combination. Honestly, it’s foolish not to take advantage of it. So, go there, tell your friends about it and I look forward to seeing you more then.
Starting next week, I will start a brand-new series and I’m gonna be perfectly frank, I don’t even know what that series is. Let’s see, I’m on vacation literally, figuratively, mentally, been on vacation. So, we’ll find out next week. I look forward to seeing you then and until next time have an amazing and awesome day. Love you guys!
